Engineer Is Mistakenly Sent to Hell, but the Result Is Hilarious

An engineer finds himself in an unfortunate accident and he winds up at the pearly gates. St. Peter is looking over his face fades into a frown. “Oh, you’re an engineer. I’m terribly sorry but the papers say you’re supposed to be going to hell – the door down is over there.”

Well reluctantly the engineer makes his way down and they let him through the gate, but the conditions are even worse than he imagined: there is no running water or electricity, you have to walk everywhere you go, and of course it’s as hot as hell in there.

The engineer decides that if he is going to be here for an eternity then he may as well start fixing the place up, and he sets out to start making improvements. Before long the denizens of hell find themselves with more luxuries than they could ever have imagined: escalators, flush toilets, and the place has even got working air conditioning.

Pretty soon the engineer has become a rather popular guy, and it’s looking like hell might not be such a bad place after all; he’s even on a first name basis with the devil himself.

One day God makes a collect call down to Satan and he says in a cheeky voice, “Lucy my boy, how’s it going down there in hell? How about that heat, huh?”

“Oh hey there, it’s nice of you to check in. You know hell is going pretty good these days, we’ve got escalators and running water, and we even have some AC keeping the place cool. I’m telling you, can’t wait to see what this engineer thinks up next!”

God can’t believe what he’s hearing. “WHAT!? You have an engineer down there? This must be some kind of mistake; you need to send him back up right away!

“No way,” Satan replies, “I like having an engineer on staff, and besides, Dave is a pretty fun guy to talk to.”

God get’s furious. “Send him back up here right this instant or I’ll be taking you to court!”

Lucifer laughs uncontrollably. “Oh yeah, right, and just where do YOU think you’re going to find a lawyer.”

 

Young Boy Couldn’t Wait to Visit Santa, But Nobody Could Expect What Happened

About three years back there was a little boy who had come with his grandmother to the Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin. He could barely contain himself when he climbed up on Santa’s lap carrying a picture with him of an adorable little girl roughly about his age.

“And who would this be” Santa bellowed, while sporting a grin. “A friend of yours? A sister perhaps?”

“Yes, sir” the boy replied. “It’s my sister, Sarah, and she is too sick to be here, but I wanted her to come with me to see you.” Santa took a glance at the grandmother who was patiently waiting nearby, wiping at her eyes with a cloth.

“She really wanted to come see you, Santa. She misses you a whole bunch,” he said softly.

Santa did his best to stay jolly for the boy, but behind his smile he his heart ached for the family; he asked the boy what he wanted for Christmas, and of course he wanted his sister to get better. When the boy finished his visit his grandmother helped him off of Santa’s lap, and she began to say something but stopped herself.

But Santa noticed her hesitance. “What is it?” he asked warmly.

She shooed her grandson over to the elves so that he could receive his little gift, and she turned to him with a strain in her face. “Well, I know it’s too much to ask of you, Santa, but that girl in the photo is my granddaughter, and she has leukemia you see? As much as it hurts me to say this… well she isn’t expected to make it through the holidays, and the only thing she wants for Christmas is to see you.”

Her eyes were filled with tears at this point. “I don’t expect you to say yes, as I know you and the elves are awfully busy this time of year, but would there be any way you might be able to stop in and see her? It would make her last holiday a special one.”

Santa swallowed hard and fought back his sadness; he didn’t want the kids to see him all worked up. He knew what he had to do, and he told her to leave her information with her helpers and that he would see what he could do. The grandmother hugged him tightly and thanked him.

The rest of that afternoon he couldn’t think of anything else besides that little girl.

He thought about how he would feel if it were his little girl dying in that hospital bed: he would do anything to make sure her final days were as joyous as he could. Visiting this little girl was the very least he could do.

After all the boys and girls had finished their visit with Santa he went to his helpers to find out where little Sarah was staying. Santa didn’t know where the hospital was, and he approached the assistant location manager to ask for directions to the children’s ward.

Rick was the manager on duty that night, and of course he was puzzled to see Santa still here so late in the evening, but after he relayed Sarah’s story, Rick told Santa that he would be honored to drive him to the children’s ward personally.

When they arrived at the hospital they found out what room Sarah was staying in. Rick stayed in the hall while a jolly old Saint Nicholas quietly took a peek into the room, and saw little Sarah all wrapped up in her bed.

The room was packed with family members: her brother and grandmother were there, as well as her mother and aunt. The girl’s mother was lightly stroking her daughter’s hair, and was talking with her quietly to keep her mind off her situation. Santa could feel the love and closeness this family had, he knew right then and there that this is what his job is all about.

He took in a deep breath, put on a smile, and he slowly entered the room with a hearty “Ho, ho, ho!” Sarah’s eyes lit up the entire room and she let out a shriek of excitement: “Santa!” She tried to pull herself from her bed, but the IV tubes kept her in place, and he rushed to her side to give her the biggest warmest hug he could muster.

She was only nine years old, the same age as his own daughter, and she was looking at him like he was the greatest thing in the world. His heart could hardly take it.

Sarah’s skin was ghost white, and chemotherapy had left her golden hair was patches and bald spots, but nothing caught his attention more than her enormous crystal blue eyes. He fought back tears but he couldn’t look away from her: she was the sweetest thing he had ever seen and reminded him of his own little girl at home; everyone in the room was in awe.

As the two spoke with one another her family approached him one by one, hugging him tightly, and whispering “thank you” as they wiped away their tears of joy.

Santa and Sarah talked the night away, and she told him all about the various toys she wanted for Christmas, but especially the toys she wanted for her little brother. She promised him that she had very good that year, and Santa chuckled and told her that he already knew she was.

He looked at her with very intense eyes and he asked her very seriously, “Sarah, do you believe in angels.” She nodded back to him, “Uh huh, my Mama told me all about angels.” “Well,” said Santa, “I’m going to ask that the angels watch over you and your family,” and he gently placed his hand on Sarah’s head, he closed his eyes, and he said a prayer.

He asked that God heal Sarah’s body from this disease, and he asked that the angels watch over her and keep her safe. Amen. And when Santa’s prayer was done he softly sang a Christmas Carol: his favorite one. The family joined him and they sang in unison.

“Silent Night. Holy Night. All is calm, all is bright.”

The family held hands and they cried tears of joy; Santa had given them the gift of hope, and little Sarah lay there quietly: the happiest little girl on earth. When they were all done he took her by the hand and he said very seriously: “Now Sarah, you have a very important job to do.”

“What’s that?” she asked. “You need to focus on getting better. I want you to think about playing with your friends next summer, and I expect you to come and visit me next year, do you understand?”

Sarah gave him a firm nod. Santa knew that what he was saying to this little girl was unlikely, but he had faith in God that she would pull through. He knew that Sarah needed something more than toys: she needed love, and she needed hope. He gave her both.

“Yes, Santa!” she said excitedly, “I’ll be sure to visit you next year.” “Do you promise?” Santa asked.

“I promise.”

He leaned in and kissed her on her forehead and left the room. When he was outside he wrote her grandmother a check: enough to get her and her brother all the toys she had requested; he told her that he could never thank her enough for asking him to be here, and that he was going to go home and hug his daughter extra tightly tonight.

They shared final hug, and a few tears, and Santa left to head home.

A year later at the Mayfair Mall in Milwaukee Wisconsin Santa Mark was back for his seasonal work. Several weeks had passed since his Santa work began again, when one day a pretty girl with a full head of long blonde hair, and two big beautiful blue eyes, climbed up all by herself and sat on his lap.

“Hi Santa, do you remember me?” “Ho, ho, ho, of course I do. How could I forget someone like you?” He would say the same thing to every child who sat on his lap; there were so many, and it was important of any good Santa to make each and every one of them feel special.

“Thank you for coming to see me in the hospital last year.”

His jaw hit the floor. Santa’s eyes welled up and he pulled her tightly into his chest; God had answered his prayer: she was healed, and he could hardly even recognize her.

It was a miracle.

“Sarah!” he cried out, and he stared at her rose cheeks as emotion rushed over him. I looked over to see her mother, grandmother, and brother, all waiting in line: they were waving and wiping their eyes.

This was the best Christmas present that Mark could ever have wished for: to witness a holiday miracle with his own two eyes, and to have played a role in God’s divine plan. Sarah was healed; she was completely free of cancer.

He looked up to the heavens and he whispered quietly, with a gratitude that very few of us truly know:

“Thank you, Father. ‘Tis the merriest Christmas of all.”

Nazi Gold Train: A Wild Goose Chase or The Real Deal?

POLAND – A supposed treasure known as the “Nazi Gold Train” is claimed to have been discovered just outside the remote area of Walbrzych in southwest Poland thanks to 44-year-old Piotr Koper and his friend.

Despite the persistence of hunters, historians and conspiracy theorists who believe the train is one of three that was lost long ago, others believe that the discovery is nothing but a wild goose chase for a city that is already financially strapped and lacking incentive to support the search. However, the question remains: What kind of treasure could the train hold?

The trains could be filled with looted artwork, documents, artifacts, and gold worth millions of dollars. The “gold train” search will begin in Walbrzych, a city in southwest Poland. Some historians say that the trains disappeared as the Red Army gained momentum near the Czech border. The area was also home to Project Riese, a complex network of Nazi tunnels and weapons programs. There are no existing plans, records, or witnesses to the project.

Despite the claim, however, historians like Joanna Lamparska and Bartosz Rdultowski question Koper and his friend’s discovery, especially since they are asking for 10 percent of the train’s treasure.

“Every five years the news appears that we are now close, we’re at the entrance of the tunnel and we’ll soon get inside,” Lamparska said in an interview with RMF FM Radio.

“[The tunnels under the mountains of Walbrzych] could be part of any old mines,” Historian Bartosz Rdultowski told The New York Times. “Before the war, there were about 200 of them here.”

As far as the city of Walbrzych, the Mayor’s spokesman, Arkadiusz Grudzien, reported that the Krakow Mining and Metallurgy Academy will conduct an initial non-invasive inspection to determine the claim’s validity. If the results of the inspection are promising, the Academy will then schedule an excavation attempt for the early spring when the weather is more conducive to such activities.

Whether the discovery proves to be true or not, the Walbrzych community is making the most of it as they have taken to selling gold train mementos to the influx of tourists and treasure hunters. Perhaps even a believed wild goose chase can prove to have a silver lining.

Censorship in Prison: Prisoners’ Rights Magazine Sues Arizona Department of Corrections

FLORENCE, Arizona – The Arizona Department of Corrections faced a different type of lawsuit this year when Prison Legal News sued the Department over censorship.

Produced by the nonprofit Human Rights Defense Center, Prison Legal News has been in publication for 25 years and has served as a voice for prisoners, even earning the First Amendment Award in 2013 by the Society of Professional Journalists. However, according to PLN, the Arizona Department of Corrections silenced their voice and infringed on prisoners’ rights in 2014 when they refused to distribute the March, April, July and October issues to 97 Arizona inmates with active subscriptions.

The Department confirmed that the issues were withheld for safety and security reasons due to information related to “riots/work stoppages/resistance,” “unacceptable sexual or hostile behaviors” and “sexually explicit material.”

Because no specific stories were cited, Prison Legal News has assumed that the articles in question were about court cases about rapes and sexual assault in prison, particularly those involving prison staff, one of which was an Arizona case.

Prisoners eventually received the issues with many of the stories already redacted. However, that wasn’t enough for PLN to stop the suit.

“Defendants’ policies, practices and customs censor PLN’s expressive activities and have a chilling effect on PLN’s future speech and expression directed toward inmates confined there,” the complaint contends.

Corrections spokesman, Andrew Wilder, maintains the Department’s position in that they acted only to ensure “the safe, secure and orderly operation” of the prisons, which hold around 40,000 inmates at any given time.

University of Missouri Rattled Over Racism

COLUMBIA, Missouri – The University of Missouri campus has been rattled over the past few weeks as racism grows on campus, culminating with threats made online by 19-year old Hunter Park.

Park, who lives about 100 miles south in Rolla, Missouri, is a student at the Missouri University of Science & Technology. He was arrested after being linked to posts on the anonymous messaging app Yik-Yak.

“I’m going to stand my ground tomorrow and shoot every black person I see,” one anonymous post read on Yik Yak.

Another warned black students simply not to come to campus the next day and another said “we’re waiting for you at the parking lots… we will kill you.”

With University security increased, Park’s arrest came just days after the University President, Tim Wolfe, was forced out of his position after being accused of ignoring the growing racism on campus. When the University football team refused to play until the issue was addressed on the mostly white campus, Wolfe finally stepped down.

Among the offences black students have complained about are that a swastika drawn in feces was found in a dormitory bathroom and that they are subjected to racial slurs by passerby in cars and on campus.

Students took matters into their own hands and staged a sit-in as well as a hunger strike to send a clear message to the University administration. One student even took to Twitter to share his concern and fear over attending class.

As far as Yik-Yak, the social media platform used by Park, the company condemned the threatening messages and released a statement to confirm their full compliance in assisting law enforcement to put an end to such actions.

Bringing Home Baby: Massachusetts Woman Goes to ER with Abdominal Pain and Leaves with Baby

BEVERLY, Massachusetts – A quick trip to a Massachusetts emergency room for abdominal pain forever changed the lives of Judy and Jason Brown.

Jason took his wife of 22 years, Judy, to the Beverly Hospital emergency room in Beverly, Massachusetts with severe abdominal pain. Expecting to be treated for a potential blockage or gall stone, the couple was more than surprised when they welcomed their daughter just an hour later.

“It was a little bit scary getting into the hospital thinking something really bad was going on,” Brown told ABC News. “To understand and take in that was I pregnant and was about to go into labor… it was very overwhelming.”

At a healthy 8-pound and 2-ounces, the Brown’s named their first and only daughter, Carolyn Rose after their mothers.  Then, they jumped into action by calling friends and family members to borrow basic necessities like a car seat and bassinet so they could leave the hospital.

Judy, who is 47 years old, never expected to be pregnant at this stage in her life as she admitted that she thought her body was going through changes.

Dr. Kimberly Gecsi, an obstetrician and gynecologist at University Hospitals Case Medical Center in Cleveland, said while rare, some women do not realize they’re pregnant until shortly before giving birth.

Gesci even encouraged women in their late 40s to discuss contraception options with their doctors as well symptoms of menopause before ever denying the possibility of getting pregnant.

As for the Brown’s and their newest addition, they are settling in quietly at home.

Magically Sweet After 44 Years: The Willy Wonka Cast Reunites

It seems like just yesterday when Willy Wonka and the cast of kids from Roald Dahl’s classic novel first came into our hearts. Yesterday was, in fact, 1971.

The Today show sat down with the former Wonka children on Wednesday, November 11th only to discover that the sugary sweetness of the film ran far beyond the set.

Peter Ostrum (Charlie Buckets), Paris Themmen (Mike Teavee), Julie Dawn Cole (Veruca Salt), Rusty Goffe, Denise Nickerson (Violet Beauregarde), and Michael Bollner (Augustus Gloop) all admitted that the film created a lasting and unforgettable bond for which they’re grateful.

“We think of ourselves as a family, maybe a bit of a dysfunctional family, but a family!” Themmen said with a laugh.

Staying connected thanks to reunions at various events around the globe, most of the cast left the film industry on their own terms to pursue other dreams and careers. This is exactly why the Wonka kids, many of whom have children and grandchildren of their own, remain blissfully happy for what they consider the chance of a lifetime.

“Look I mean, we are the fortunate ones,” Nickerson said with a smile. “We’re here, and we got to really see it and experience it. And the first thing people do when they find out who we are is smile.”

In what the cast refer to as “the Wonka effect”, there’s no doubt that even they would agree with Wonka’s famous line, “For some moments in life, there are no words.”