A big wig lawyer from the city is hunting ducks while out on vacation when he spots the fattest duck that he has ever seen; he is nervous that he might miss, but he lines up the shot, and with pinpoint accuracy he blasts the duck straight out of the sky.
The duck spirals down and to the lawyer’s dismay it lands in the middle of a farmer’s field on the other side his fence. The lawyer resolves that he can’t let lose the opportunity to get a duck this perfect, and he decides to hop the fence and grab it before it gets snatched up by the farmer’s dog.
The lawyer scales the fence, but when he finally finds the duck an elderly farmer spots him and drives out to meet him on his tractor. “Just what in the heck do you think you’re doing out here, son? This right here is my property!”
“No need to lose your temper, old man,” the lawyer replies, “I was out here hunting ducks and one of them happened to land on your property: I just want to get it and go.”
The farmer scoffs; “old man! Why I never! Where we’re standing is under my jurisdiction which means that if a duck lands on this property then it belongs to me. You can just take yourself back the way you came and forget about it.”
The indignant lawyer couldn’t believe that a farmer would speak to him this way. “Don’t you know who I am? I’m one of the finest trial lawyers to ever walk inside of a courtroom, and if you don’t let me get my duck then I’ll sue you for everything you have down to your last ear of corn!”
The old farmer shoots back a grin and says “apparently you don’t know how things work around here: we settle disagreements like this using the Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer scrunches his face. “I’ve never heard of any kind of Three Kick Rule. What’s that?”
The elderly farmer explains: “Well, first I’ll kick you three times, and then you’ll kick me three times back, and then we’ll take turns like that until one of us gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thinks about the farmer’s offer and figures that there is no way the farmer can win: the guy is probably pushing 65 years old, and one kick would probably put this old fart in a stretcher. The lawyer agrees to abide by the local custom, but warns the old timer that he’s in for a real beating if he continues with this challenge.
The farmer carefully climbs down from his tractor and then plants a swift kick directly into the lawyer’s groin: sending the lawyer to his knees. While the lawyer clutches his groin he receives a powerful kick straight into his nose: breaking it in three places. The lawyer topples over in pain and the old farmer places the last kick square into the lawyer’s kidney: making him howl in agony.
Despite the beating that the lawyer receives he is determined to not give up; this competition is about more than just a duck now and this geezer is going to pay! He manages to make his way to his feet and he says “you’re in for it now old man, it’s my turn.”
The little old farmer smiles and says:
“Naw, I give up, you can keep the duck.”